No excuse for bad manners

(via WhiteHotTruth)

A friend of mine who was a therapist in a half way house described an incident where this big burly nut-bar barged into a group therapy session hollering and waving his arms around. He was like a beefy Hell's Angels guy, and he was having one of his meanie episodes that would have scared the bejeezus out of even most tough cookies.

"Use your manners, would ya?" said the the group leader. "Turn around and come back in quietly."

And in mid-rage, huffing and puffing, buddy just stopped. Calmly. "Oh. Okay then." And he left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Quietly.

Standards work wonders.

When we routinely justify people's poor behavior, we block the chances for change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. I worked with someone for too long who was bi-polar manic depressive and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know how she gets. Or your typically grouchy neighbor is a grouch. Or your always-under-a-lot-of-stress boss loses her cool because she's so understandably stressed... Call it at face value, all afflictions, dispositions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful thing.

How can people be in relationships when they don't feel like they're in the right place in their lives?

I only ask this because the older that I've gotten, the more difficult it is for me to be completely happy and committed to a relationship when I feel like I'm taking time away from the three things I really should be doing right now:

1) Getting my finances straight.
2) Pursuing my dream career.. or having a job that provides me stability and freedom.
3) Getting right spiitually.

At this point in my life, if I had all three of those, I'd be completely happy pursuing someone and channeling my energy towards having a relationship. I feel like when you, for yourself, feel like you're in a good place in your life, then you can give yourself some leeway to put your energy into something else for a while.

But right now?

I can't imagine how I can be in a relationship without always feeling like, "WTF, am I doing. I should be looking for the perfect JOB instead of the perfect MAN." You feel me? I guess when I was younger, it was all just fun & games, but now, I'm realizing more and more that time is so damn precious and if I'm going to give my time to you, it better be time I want to give instead of time I'm losing getting myself right.

Maybe I'm in a selfish state right now, but I talk often with the men in my life about this kind of stuff and they always tell me to wait and get mySELF together first, for MYSELF. Not for any man, not to impress anybody, but because it's so necessary for my self worth as a woman. I don't want to rely on any man to be anything but be a supplement to the happiness I've already made for myself in my own life.

I understand there are a handful of great men who would want to support me along the way or are in the same exact hustle as me, but the finer details of relationships in general just make for a complicated mense in my mind right now.

How To Be Alone.

To all my single friends, please watch this :)

"LONELY IS A FREEDOM, THAT BREATHES EASY AND WEIGHTLESS.
AND LONELY IS HEALING IF YOU MAKE IT."

"CUZ IF YOU'RE HAPPY IN YOUR HEAD, THEN SOLITUDE IS BLESSED AND ALONE IS OKAY."

This summer has been such a healing summer. I've been embracing my solitude and taking care of myself, which I haven't done in a long time. There are times when it all gets too heavy to think about, but you learn to adapt and get through things. The rain clouds really don't last forever, so until then, I'm going to keep watching sunsets &sunrises, spend more time at the beach, dance my sadness away, indulge in books I love, pray often and just try to be grateful as often as possible.

It's the only way I know how, and as hard as it gets sometimes, lonely is healing.

tell me this isn't the TRUTH?!
daaaaaaamn.

What Chili Wants

I'm feelin this! First of all, Chilli was always my fave in TLC. Second, it brings up the question, if you can't find a man, is it because your standards are too high? I think standards women have for men can be considered "too high" at times but for me personally, I base it on past experiences and not necessarily an inflated ego like other people have shared in articles on this. People in general have learned & gone through what they DON'T want, so why go back or settle for something that truly doesn't make us happy?! If we have high standards, I think it's either because we've had the best kind of love and only want something better than the best we've had so far (otherwise, you'll always be expecting better in your relationship) or ya just have been with a bunch of douchebags and they all have shown you what you never want to be with again. (Unfortunately, I'm a victim to both) But it's true, the worst kind of loneliness is being with the wrong person. I can resonate with her with how picky she is and how there is always something about something that just doesn't make em right. I mean, she DID date Usher. C'mon now. HAHA!

"I don’t believe that God meant for any of us to be alone, but I know he didn’t mean for us to be with the wrong person."

HUSTLE AND LOVE DON'T MIXX: PART 1

I shouldn't be writing in my blog, I have homework collecting dust on my desk and laundry that needs to be put away, but I have a lot on my mind and all I know is to write. So here goes...

The mystery of my life for the past X amount of years is hustle and love and my firm belief that they don't mix. As MUCH as I try to tell myself otherwise and would absolutely love to find love, my personal experiences have proven otherwise. This is strictly my opinion so don't hate me if you disagree.

At 21 years old and no where near being established financially or with any assurance of my career, my mentality is on ME and has been this way for many years now. I am unashamed to say I am as selfish as I can be right now, because EVERYTHING relies on me, my choices, my work ethic, my own self-discipline, everything. With that, I believe with my WHOLE ENTIRE HEART, that you can be anything that you want to be, if you choose it and I did that a LONG time ago. In turn, our dreams cannot be reached with empty promises to ourselves and simply hoping it will come along one day... but only with realistic goals followed by action, then discipline, hard work and above ALL, sacrifice. And I mean sacrificing time to be at home with my family to attend meetings, sacrificing hard earned money to see my hopes and dreams come to reality, sacrificing leisure time to work and do internships, and most of all sacrificing LOVE.

See, the thing with me, is I only know one real love and with love, you gotta be down (right?). And when I mean down, willing to stay up till 5 am to fix a fight. I mean, spending your whole paycheck just to get him/her J's for their birthday. I mean, driving the hour just to see him/her on the ONE day you two are free and you only see him/her for 2 hours. I'm talking about, dropping everything just to surprise him/her because you love em. I've been this way once upon time, and then I started realizing that that 5AM make-up session got me late for the one job I've been working so hard to get. Or that paycheck I just spent on him could have went to rent + bills. Or that that one hour I drove just to see him could have been an hour I spent studying or sending e-mails for my sorority. Or that that meeting I dropped just to surprise him made me miss an amazing opportunity for my future. See, when I want to be in love, I want that REAL love.

The real love where I am ready and willing to sacrifice and adult enough to draw the line for myself. And though everyone knows I date, YOU. will. KNOW. when. I'm. down. And I'll be the first to admit, I ain't down for ANYONE right now... ESPECIALLY if I don't even have myself in check yet.

Some people ask why can't you just let go and let someone in or why don't people ever last long? Usually its because our lifestyles aren't compatible, but there is also the unwillingness I have to let go of the control I have of my own life. I want to be the best at everything that I do and set my mind to. I have calculated steps for my next leap to success and I don't let anyone fuck with those. I've been through a LOT of unannounced, unexpected shit in my life and gone through some really DEEP and DARK moments in my life because I trusted people and it wasn't until I got through all that that I choose to control my OWN life. I don't have time for FIGHTS, JEALOUSY, INSECURITY, MEN that can't COMMIT, WHORES trying to steal my man (hah, just had to add that) or letting ANYONE have the power to bring any of that into my life. Being in a relationships, entails mutual sacrifice of time, effort, money, etc and I'm sorry, but I just can't do it right now. Which brings me to the point that I also don't want to be in a relationship where the man is willing to sacrifice everything and I am not. It's unequal even if I'm being treated like a Princess, cuz truth is....I don't want it if it's that easy.

Right now, I want to be the best President I can be to my sorority. I don't half ass. I don't let people who I am leading settle for less than anything than their true potential. I don't just want to breeze through my 'reign', I want to make history. I want this year to be remembered. Right now, I want to get my degree at UCLA, the college my family has sacrificed so much money for just to see me succeed. In order to do all of this, I have to have one focus, and that is MYSELF.

I have big things I want to do with this life. I want to own my own house, buy my own car, I want to travel (alot), I want to pay off all my student loans, I want to own my own business. I want to pamper myself without feeling remorse. I want my Dad to own that Benz he's hoped for all his life. I want to do all the things everyone else got to do because they had $$ and I had to tell myself God hasn't forgotten me, and I NEVER want to have money problems again!! .... and trust, all that shit entails WORK.

Now don't get me wrong and think I'm some bitter bitch who hates everyone who is in love or has a boyfriend. I truly love and appreciate all my girlfriends with boyfriends (&their boyfriends too) and think all their boyfriends complement them quite well. And I'm not saying that every girl in love won't be successful or is less than me, it is just my personal preference and expectations of MYSELF lead me to truly believe that if I want to reach the level of success I want for myself in life, then it won't be when I'm focused on someone else.

xoxo

TO ALL MY SINGLE SISTAS.

I've been on my own for a minute,
despite openly dating people,
at the end of the day...
it's ME, who supports ME.

Men are still only a supplement to the woman in me.
They work out or they don't,
I try or it fails but
at the end of the day...
after the long nights of work at my job,
after all the meetings are over with my sorority,
after the studying is finished,
I've always had,
JUST ME.

Be you're own supporter my sistas.
Realize the QUEENS that you are.
We are stronger than we think we are.

Letting San Diego be the love I need...

I'm sitting in It's A Grind in San Diego... Littly Italy to be exact. The weather is overcast, the music is soft and I'm in one of my favorite parts of downtown San Diego. Today my pessimism is getting the best of me and I feel like I've spent hours and hours of this day wondering what I could have done better and why things are the way they are. I'm literally mentally fucking exhausted.

All I really want today is to spend it with my brothers and my mom. To hideaway in the comfort of my brothers place on Banker's Hill and not have to deal with people if I don't want to. To not hear the incessant BULLSHIT that means nothing at all to me at the end of the day. To not have to remember all the people I've let into my life only to realize I was ALWAYS better off on my own. To not have to be around people who invite themselves into my own home, wake me up from my sleep to TALK. TALK. and TALK. when they can't hear from my SCREAMS that I NEED you to LEAVE. To not have to hear those carefully chosen words that you throw around as if YOU know who the fuck I am.

I would never let it get there.

Honestly...

So its a funny thing being on your own. I haven't spent this much time away from my family and I have never been this single, ever. I'll be honest, I'm scared shitless. Though deciding to be alone was meant for greater purposes, my go-to solutions aren't helping in filling that void.

• Throwing myself into MORE work isn't helping me, only draining me more emotionally.
• Meeting people hasn't been very appealing when I realize I only want to be friends.
• Running a muck around town and partying my brain away is only a temporary happiness &high.
• Giving my heart away isn't the best idea, when it's still broken.

So I guess it's time for some serious soul-searchin. I'm flyin solo for now, not looking, just me, myself and I. I need to be a strong person for myself and no one else. I need to adapt and be more resilient because yes, Cammille, you have to deal with your problems on your own now. I need to be alone and figure out myself first before I can give of myself to anyone. I don't want to fill voids or drag anyone into my cluttered mind and heart. They'll only be disappointed that I was NOTHING they expected.

What I could really use right now is home. I miss my family and friends, because they remind me of who I am when I'm not sure of who I am out here. I know the Lord wants me to be patient though. I know the Lord is working in my favor even if I don't see it right now. I just need to TRUST and just open my heart to this feeling that I have. I know only good must come of this...HOWEVER long it may take.

Pray for me friends :)
-Cammille