On Authenticity + passion

Reminder to myself: you are a work in progress.

Authenticity has been a big thing on my mind lately. "being our authentic selves". It's easy to be swayed by our experiences, the people we meet, the places we've seen... without really stopping to ask ourselves, if we've remained true to ourselves and asking is this really WHO I am? Is this the direction I want to go? Do I want to emotionally and mentally invest my time into this?

I ask myself a lot lately what mark I want to leave on the world. Besides the "what are you doing now" post-college question, the bigger question to me is what am I leaving behind to let people know that I existed. I think it's something I think about DAILY actually... I find myself more and more in awe of people who come off to be very in tune with their purpose on earth and what gifts they can contribute to the service of others...whether its the gift of music, intellect, innovation, design, etc.. I really love learning about those people.

I wonder how people actually pinpoint what it is exactly what they want to do. What is it in their core that lets them know that this is exactly what they should be doing? For me, I find that my problem is that I love so many different things. Maybe it's the eternal optimist that has found enjoyment in literally every job I've had... or my need/want to learn about everything because I find SO MUCH of the world fascinating. The only problem is how you turn these things into careers...

I love travel, I love aesthetically beautiful things (i.e. accessories, interior decor), I love empowering women and working WITH like-minded women in general, I love educating myself about global issues and admiring people who are working to alleviate poverty, I love fast-paced environments and big cities, I love typography and graphic design, I love my Filipino culture.

..so many things I'd love to delve into but I know won't really know if it'll turn into a career until I've tried. such a wierd time of figuring yourself out, I will admit. There are so many people I've seen who just happen to fall into what they're doing and love it. Maybe I'm not seeking out my opportunities as best I can or making the best of the position that I am in. It's hard when you lack passion though...which goes back to my thoughts about being my authentic self and doing things only that push me, keep me driven and still staying true to myself + my desires.

time will tell and I guess this is exactly why this blog exists. Life has always been a constant ebb and flow of going through the motions and seeking out my next best opportunity.

satisfied.

Life has been moving forward and I'm proud of myself for actively getting out of the rut I was growing complacent in and almost accepting. Thank God.

So I got myself a job at an awesome marketing and research company that focuses solely on working with clients that are seeking positive social change among youth culture. The people are awesome, the office is like one I've always wanted to work in and we're in Mission Hills.. a cute little neighborhood with a bunch of independent stores I've been dying to explore. My mornings have become focused and more driven as a result and I'm thankful for that.

I've also gotten my butt back into the gym. Of course toning up and losing weight are the main goals, but I also feel accomplished and in a great mood after a good workout. Not to mention, having a gym partner and a bf who boxes for a living help 100%

I stopped in the library the other day and dusted off my good ol' library card. Ever since I was a kid, libraries always instantly inspired me. I'm glad after all these years, it has never changed. I picked up Unbearable Lightness by Portia De Rossi, which I was intrigued to read when she was on the Oprah show and The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav which was the top book Jay-Z mentioned made a difference in his life. Excited to start reading.

All in all, I've been trying to improve the different aspects of my life little by little. I want to make a habit of taking care of myself and never losing my grasp on things to the point that I don't feel fulfilled. Work shouldn't be the only place that fulfills me but my health, my mind+heart, my confidence, my family, my relationship with my bf, all of that matters a great deal to me as I get older.

perspective&prosperity

I miss being around super creative, inspiring, uplifting individuals. Living in LA was a dream and more. I guess it's all in the way that I choose to see things because I know there are dope individuals out here in San Diego too, I just don't feel that fire like I used to. Indeed, life is what you make of it, so I guess this is my wake up call because I need to make the best of what I got.

Going away to college and living in a big city was one of the best decisions of my life. I would have never grown to become the person that I am today if I hadn't done it. It's been 8 months since I've lived back here and man, its so difficult to progress forward when you always find yourself surrounded by what you know. I've grown complacent is what I have dreaded to admit, but its true. Being around people you love, going to the same places, doing the same things... it's comfortable but not necessarily what I thought my life was going to be like once I moved back.

I want to wake up everyday excited to attack it, explore it and learn from it. I know the only things that can help me are 1) my perspective 2) what I choose my surroundings to be 3)&the belief that no matter what I think I know, where I am, I need to stay hungry. There is such a big world out there that I need to keep reminding myself that it is mine to own + I decide what I want to take from it.

So here's to changing my perspective, making the most of what I got and staying HUNGRY.

3 days left in the motherland. I could write about so much, but my mind is too busy absorbing that I haven't really figured out how to put much into words. But I will say that we've been on a lot of planes, long drives and ferries that give me a lot of time to listen to / watch (& reabsorb) videos of Ms. Lauryn Hill, Bob Marley, Mos Def, Tupac & Will Smith (thanks Jon). A lot of reflection has ensued... everyday is a new revelation and more time for me to figure out myself and what I want to do with mySelf. I learn something new everyday damn day, just by experiencing life. Damn, it's a beautiful thing.

cherish your solitude

As inspired by Bern's recent blog:

Solitude is way too underrated. Over the past couple of years (or so it seems like), I've grown accustomed to the idea that alone is not lonely and though I love socializing (I am a Libra!) I love, love, love my alone time. On one of my favorite blogs, Sarah Wilson mentions the idea of ' daily taking time to check in with your inner peoples'... and I notice I like to do that often. It brings me complete peace and stillness when I need it most.

Lately I've been obsessed with candles, wine, reading and writing in my Moleskine. It just makes me happy. It gives me time to think things through, deal with all the inner stuff and refresh.

I haven't really had the chance to do this yet now that its 2011, but I'm hoping for some good down time on my flight back from the Philippines. I really need to set some concrete goals for the year or better, the next couple years. Vacation doesn't give you much solitude time when you're entertaining other people and trying to jam pack your days with everything, so I will admit, I'm excited to head back home.

I'm ready for it all to begin!! Because though change does start now, its hard to start when you're on an island sipping cocktails!

peace be the journey folks.

Sunday Night Thoughts

• Sunday night mass always brings me clarity & calms the madness in my mind. Sometimes my thoughts, worries, and hopes for the future get the best of me and evening mass always centers me again before the start of another week. I used to go a lot at night when I lived in LA, I think I'm going to start going in the evening here. There always happens to be less people too, which helps me cancel out the noise in my life. Does anyone else feel this way?
• I'm learning more and more that when I'm feeling a certain way that I may not like, instead of pushing it away and acting like I don't feel that way, I'll let myself sit in that feeling and then move on. It helps me lessen the baggage and leave things that are in the past where they are supposed to be, instead of constantly suppressing something and having it occur in my life over and over again. Sometimes we're taught that we have to be superwomen and we're strong enough to handle everything. Truth is, we won't be strong enough for everything so you just let things be as they are and then tell yourself to let it go. No wallowing, no questioning, no going back in time reliving things that should be left there. 
• At the end of the day, I find peace knowing that everyday, I'm better than I've ever been. There's a reason for everything that has happened in my life. My life is better now than it was 2 years ago, a week ago, 5 years ago. When I used to feel sad about things, I always wanted to go back in time, hoping I was happy like I was at some point in the past. Now, I relish in the fact of growing, learning more about myself and accepting change instead of wanting to relive past moments. It's no way to live. What is meant to be will be & I know that God is only making me better.
• Being a lady is completely underrated nowadays. 
• A friend told me to always pray for wisdom above everything. He was so right.

This little Light of mine, I'm gonna let it SHINE.

I put on Lauryn Hill's Unplugged again tonight.

I can imagine I'm going to be listening this for a month straight again.

I did this during the summer and man, the amount of clarity and peace it brought to my life is something that I am so thankful for. I listened to this album many times before, but it wasn't until those sleepless nights that turned into mornings, alone in my apartment with my headphones on, did I really allow my heart to open and fully understand the path I wanted to take and the purpose on this earth that I continually strive to fulfill.

I had an amazing talk with a great friend tonight and the way I feel right now is hard to put into words. I see so much clearer now, my purpose on this Earth is becoming more and more open to me as I allow myself to experience the things that God chooses for me to see and aligns me with the right people in my life. I am a much happier person now. I truly am. It's something deep in your core when you feel like everything is aligned and you feel limitless. Limitless not because of ego, money, titles, power or anything like that, but limitless in Faith and through wisdom.

Ahh, the journey will be till the day I die, but for now, I'm going to let my light shine, so that others might realize theirs!!!!

God Bless!

My Born Day. 102188

So I just finished celebrating my 22nd birthday which lasted an awesome 6 days. Considering I threw all my plans out the window at the last minute because I was getting too stressed out about the whole affair.. I still want to thank all my friends and family who made this another memorable and blessed celebration of LIFE.

At the end of the day, it really isn't about how big the party is or how lavish your plans are... I was around amazing people who love me unconditionally, have supported me since the day I was put on this earth and simply allowing the universe to bless me the way I knew it would.... and it definitely blessed me.

Now that I have time, I can finally sit and reflect on what another year has added to the beauty of this life I live. With every year that passes, I truly feel myself become more and more in tune with my self, my purpose in the world, the people that I love and what this world has to offer me (and vice versa). If I could share some wisdom and traits about myself that I've accumulated over the past 22 years, it would go as follows:

1. My purpose in the world is meant to serve other people and for the betterment of other people. I find the most joy and peace when I am doing work that serves other people or in  working as a catalyst to make other people realize their true potential. I realized a long time ago that this life has nothing to do at all with me. That losing myself to a selfish thought cuts out the essence of life. I may not be perfect in practicing this but it's something I always work on.
2. Hard work will never ever fail you. I strongly believe that when you put your best effort into anything and leave nothing up to chance, results will speak for themselves. And when I talk about hard work, I mean total commitment, determination and persistence to a goal until it is reached and nothing less.
3. Quit fighting things that are meant to flow. When I started going through the phases of my parents separation, I realized one day, that I needed to quit fighting something that was meant to continue to evolve into another form. I was going against what was happening naturally because I didn't want to be mature enough to accept it. I am a much happier person embracing what is instead of trying to force something that isn't.
4. Change is the only thing constant. I am slowly accepting that at this age, things and relationships are rapidly changing. Life isn't what it used to be, but I leave a lot of things up to God to decide what is worth it for me to chase and what is not. When people will come around, they will. 
5. Love isn't ever enough. Just because you love someone, it doesn't make anything right, fix any wrongs or erase the past. It just doesn't. It takes more than just the idea of love, the saying of love and the thought of love. It's communication, respect, understanding, appreciation, selflessness, it's so much more.
6. If you're a woman and want to be respected, demand it... in your thoughts & your actions.  Nuff said.
7. Having money doesn't mean shit. It doesn't make up for your lack of character, compassion, humor or good looks. I learned a long time ago that money doesn't buy lasting happiness either or make up for wrong doing. It can be taken away faster than you could imagine and change your life forever.
8. I've lived a privileged life. I didn't grow up into a rich family or had everything handed to me, but I still have a lot more than a lot of other people.  I think its really important for people to realize their privilege and the idea that they have so much more to give to the world because they already have that much.
9. Not everything that glitters is gold. I've been fooled plenty of times by things, people and experiences that seemed like the right thing or the 'cool' thing... I'm way more cautious now about quick gratification and I'm not losing my soul to that shit. I stay true to myself and my roots and not easily impressed by the flashing lights.
10. To grow you need to keep doing what you haven't done. My best experiences in life were doing things that were completely out of my comfort zone. Whether its jobs, relationships, or joining things, I have learned the most and pushed myself the most in those situations. I realized my tolerance and strength for certain things that I will carry with me forever.
11. In everything, keep faith in God. My faith has gotten me through every rough patch in my life and in every happy moment, He is who I have given my thanks to. I don't believe in only being thankful when things are going great, but always having a presence with Christ.
12. What works for them, may not work for you... and that's OK. Just because people do things a certain way or believe things should be a certain way, doesn't mean its the right way. I've learned to be stronger in my sense to decide for myself (and if I'm wrong, at least I believe in my own choices). 
13. Forgiveness is so powerful, for yourself and who you are forgiving. I've had my share of drama... family drama, friendship drama, relationship drama... but the most freeing thing is getting yourself to finally forgive yourself for what happened and forgive that person, even if its just in your heart. 
14. Everyday is meant to evolve and grow. I'm a different person than I was before I even wrote this, and I'm not gonna stop learning. ever.
15. Enjoy your solitude. I've learned to truly truly enjoy my own company. It's liberating.

That's all I can think of now.

Now I'm going to clean up the aftermath in my room of this crazy weekend.
Peace & blessings.

selfish vs selfless

How much of what we do daily is for our own benefit?

For a long time, I didn't realize what a selfish life I was living. I didn't really get the bigger picture of why we should be doing anything on this earth. All I thought about was myself and what I wanted and what made me happy. Of course all of us have been through struggles in life where all we want to do is just be happy and maybe that leads us to indulge in our worldly desires. Yet living in our own desires, when do we show our appreciation for what we have and give back? Now I wonder, where was my appreciation for everything I had and for the things that REALLY mattered?

I always used to think, "When the time is right", "When I get myself right", "I'm too busy", but really, after just DOING and putting future plans into action TODAY, I slowly began to find my way back to God and I realized the time is always right to get RIGHT with God. and to GIVE YOURSELF to something that NEEDS you. Maybe we fear not being perfect enough, but I always think that if you've had these selfish habits for a long time, you can't expect to change overnight. The blessing is in the journey for me. So in no way am I perfect, nor will I ever be, but the effort is now being AWAKE to the world and what matters.

The more and more I think about the past couple of years, especially in college, I didn't fully grasp yet that the way I live my life is. not. about. me. I am an able person, blessed to be educated and healthy, with all the basic things you need to survive and I should be sharing that blessing to help others instead of continually living a life in which I only benefit. Especially with working with the homeless for the past year and half and being around these people, I always say to myself, "Why the heck would anyone not do this?!". All people really need is for other people to care and if I am a person who has everything I need, am I going to continually live only for myself or for other people so they can get what I have too???

These are daily thoughts that I have and despite my journey just feeling like its begun, I am so glad to be conscious and awake, in every sense of those words. It's not about boasting, making yourself better than anyone, whatever accolades you get, the title you have under your name, it's not even about YOU/ME at all. Nothing should ever be done with YOU in mind and I'm glad I know that now. When you truly care about what you do and who your serving, the rest will come easily.

live well.

"To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
...To appreciate beauty,
to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Lyyke Li Pandora station has been on hit this whole week.
Every song seems to perfectly capture my mood.

Not everything is perfect on the inside (nor on the outside), but as a whole... everything is damn beautiful. I don't care how heavy life gets sometimes or how much real shit you have to face as you get older, I find solace in meeting people and experiencing things right when I'm supposed to so it gives me a new perspective on life when I need it. I believe in never giving up, no matter what. I don't care how endless or seemingly complicated anything is, I won't give up on my own belief that life is what you make it, life is full of the consequences and aftermath of your choices... so make good ones. 

I appreciate every little thing about life, all the joys and mishaps that we encounter. It's all a balancing act that all remind you that EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING. We wouldn't know joy if we didn't feel pain. For every pain we go through, there is JUST that much more to make us realize how blessed and amazing all the little joys are, even if you have to string them all together just to make ourselves feel better.

I don't care much anymore for all the little things people think I'm doing wrong. There is more to yourself and more to this life than what anyone thinks of you. God & the people that raised you should be the only opinions that should hold weight when all the dust settles.

Everything is everything.
Live well. Treat other people well. When you're wrong, say sorry.
When someone's wrong, accept the apology.
Believe that everyone has their own battle to face and we should all collectively strive to make that battle a little less for every person we encounter.

It's the way life should be.

LOVE, REGRETS, & ACCEPTANCE.

So I understand that my blog has been an outlet for my man-bashing, which may turn some of my male readers off. In fact, I was just about to post another man-hating quote by the lovely Erykah Badu but opted not to. Maybe it wasn't necessarily man-hating but it definitely would have shit on anyone from my past who thinks that it was about them and whoever they happen to be seeing of the moment. Today, I just don't want to go there anymore.

I ask myself who do we do things like that? Why do we need to put it out there that we're doing fine? For some of us I feel like it's a good reminder to ourselves of how we've overcome and where we are now. It's nice to be reminded of the shit you've been through and give yourself a pat on the back for how far you've come. For others, maybe its a subliminal reminder to ourselves, that even if we aren't over it, at least we know we never want it again. It can even be a combination of both.

I guess today was different because I come to realize that the more and more I allow my energy and even my slightest attention to go back to the past, I am giving up my control of it. I am allowing that situation to control my actions in this present state... and who wants that?! No one. In trying to be more conscious about my decisions, I don't want to be wrapped up in things that have hurt me. Not anymore!

Which brings me to my thoughts on regrets and if I regret any hardship I've put myself through. After thinking a lot about it, I am beginning to truly accept the fact that I don't have any regrets. Pretty bold statement I guess but I've come to believe that at that moment, it was what I truly wanted, and who I was at that moment no longer exists. Therefore, because I'm not that person anymore, any regrets I might have had are left with that person, in the past. Dead.

I'm a stronger believer in constantly evolving and adapting to the world around me and for me to have regrets is to still be holding on to the person that I was... and I'm no longer that person. When I think of my past mistakes and shortcomings that I may want to still change, I remember that at that time, I probably didn't know better and had to have experience that wrong moment to evolve into the person I am right now. We've all had those moments, whether you're blinded by love, young and incredibly naive to the situation...it's all human, it's raw, it's real emotion that you really truly believe in the moment... and that's okay, as long as you choose to grow from it.

So back to relationships... I shouldn't be angry or resentful about what happened. It took two people to fuel that fire and in that moment, I really thought that he was what was right for me. I just didn't know any better and that's okay...because at least I know I've grown from that situation. He was someone I loved a lot, but to move forward, I think peace is so necessary. Peace in your heart about it and acceptance of e v e r y t h i n g. No hard feelings and no regrets. It was exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. We have THEM to thank for THIS.

perks of being a wallflower

Making more time for:

• Writing.
• The long list of books I have waiting for me to read them.
• Reading my Bible.
• Job-hunting.
• Thrifting!

Post college life is a weird time. You wake up feeling like you've progressed from your college self and then you have moments where you feel like you're stuck in an abyss being jobless -> broke -> worried. It's been an adventure though and a time I am sure that I'll look back on and laugh about. I still hold on to the belief that if you truly want something, the universe will conspire to make it happen. Maybe the universe hasn't conspired yet because I don't know what I want. I just happen to know what realm I want to move towards but maybe that isn't enough. I'm not really sure, and I only find comfort knowing there are millions of people in the same boat as me, irrespective of what school we went to, background we have or abilities we share.  So in the midst of this never ending process of finding jobs and trying to make myself appealing on a single sheet of paper to future employers, I'm just going to keep doing things that will make my soul grow. I have been having a growing distaste for the club and party scene lately, but maybe because I don't have the funds to support that lifestyle and I am constantly feeling guilty that I should be putting that energy towards finding a job. aaah, the joys of post college life. It's a crazy chaos that I somehow find enjoyment waking up to everyday, regardless of the pitfalls.

Such is life.

Since I've been back in LA, I've been working with a non-profit group called Embrace. Started by Sean Sheppard, who is quickly becoming a role model and mentor to me, they work with a lot of college students to get them interested in working in the community and helping the less fortunate. Embrace has various programs including health and wellness, social justice and service learning, irrespective of race, religion or cultural upbringing. It's open arms for everyone and weekly, I've been joining my friends serving food to the homeless community in downtown San Diego.

On my first day there, there was a man who was so gracious and thankful for what we were doing. He looked like he hadn't eaten all day and we told we'd be back tomorrow if he wanted more food. He said, "I'll probably be dead by then." My heart sank and I quickly remembered the immense amount of help that our community needs. Every community needs.

Even moreso when I lived in LA, there was a HUGE community of people that needed help. With my sorority, Chi Delta Theta, my dear friend who was our community service chair made it her mission to educate and expose us to the homeless community in Los Angeles. Places like Skid Row is heavily concentrated with the less fortunate and I praise her always for making this her mission during the time. Instead of simply donating money or doing walks (which are all still awesome), she put us in positions where we ate, shook hands, had conversation and really got to know these individuals. We served food, played games at the Homeless Youth Drop-In Center in Hollywood, gave manicures and massages at a battered women's shelter and served hundreds of breakfast meals at Midnight Mission. It truly taught me to be more compassionate and to continue giving my efforts whenever I could.

Now, I write all of this because it means a lot to me and I think it should mean a lot to everyone. These people are so grateful, respectful and kind whenever I've served them. They have goals and aspirations like the rest of us do, but maybe just a little beaten off their paths without the right support to see them through. Yes they have problems, health problems, drug related problems, all kinds of problems, but they are also humans ... who lack all the simple luxuries that we all take for granted.

So when we're complaining about the little things (I'm guilty of this too), I always try to remember how blessed we are. If you ever get the chance to serve other people, try it, at least once, and allow it to open up your eyes and your heart to the truth about our world. A lot of us have preconceived notions and prejudices against homeless people, and if people just took the time out more to educate themselves, be more compassionate and have a little more empathy... someone would truly appreciate your service, it could even save their life.

1 hour minimum a week, just to forget about yourself for once, and give that hour to someone else. It really isn't all that much. In the time you probably spent going through blogs and reaching mine, an hour has passed. On top of that, it makes your soul rich with all the things that we all should be striving for. When $$$, family, and life problems are all stacked up against you, humility and selflessness are some of the qualities I value most in people.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” -Dalai Lama

Me: I think you think I'm more high maintenance than I really am.

Him: No, I just think you deserve more than you think you do.

pursuit of happyness.

Life is picking up again...

Doing Marketing projects at my Mom's real estate office.
Doing Web + Marketing for a non-profit organization, Embrace.
Reconnecting with family + friends. (The best part about being home!!)
Planning my month long trip to the Philippines in December. (I haven't been back in about 6 years!!)
Planning my next trip up to LA again for Fall Rush 2010!
Planning my 22nd Birthday! 

Life is what you make it!
My number one goal was not to stay stagnant and fall back into old routines. Praise God for giving me opportunities. :)

Peace&Blessings.

Doin it for mom &dad

I'm taking slow & calculated steps till my next big move.
I've got ideas & plans for my future swirling heavy in my head right now.

When you're given the chance to create your future, you either fold, or rise up to the challenge.

This is REAL LIFE now, no dress rehearsals here.. every decision is important.

Since coming back, I've been pulled every which way with things I could be doing.

But I am really focused on how to reach my full potential, getting all the experience I can get and making some reaaaaal dough.

You know what it feels like to want NOTHING but to pay your mom & pops back for everything they had to sacrifice of their own to give you yours?!!
That's all I've ever wanted to do... 

I may be blessed with a lot more than others, but trust, I don't take a damn thing for granted, not the food on the table or the clothes on my back. I have so much respect for everyone that's ever contributed in raising me and getting me to where I'm at. So I want success for everyone that believed in me, that put all their chips in for me and knew I was gonna be somebody. I know that feeling, because I've done it for someone else, and the last thing you want is to let those people down.

So to me, there is no other way to live... but to be with gratitude and respect.
I know what my parents gave up to put me through school, it's my time to give back.
& I may just be 21... but I got dreams bigger than words can put,
thick skin and a work ethic that's conditioned for anything.

I know other people feel me on this.
I'm ready to get back on that hustle & make some real moves.

So I'm stickin' to what I know best.

Followin' my heart & stayin' focused.

We gon' get there one day!!

Tonight is a wonderful night.
Despite getting sick the days before my final exams as an undergrad at UCLA, I made it through and now any existing time commitments I had have been swiped clean off of my plate. CLEAN. ZILCH. ZIP. NADA. Does anyone know what an absolutely wonderful feeling it is to have a blank slate?! To be at that point in your life where you feel like it's just begun?... it leaves you with so much room to fill that blank space with anything you want... anything at all. I am learning daily how much control I have over where my life leads me. My decisions are so, so, so crucial to who I want to become and despite having my days where I just GIVE IN and go backwards, I still celebrate the slow and steady progress and that at least I know enough that I don't know much. I have soooooo much to learn, so many hard lessons left to face, heck, this is just the beginning. But I am excited about this blank space I'm given. This blank space which is allowing me to create the life I want for myself. I move back to San Diego in two days, I'm excited. 

But for now I'm jammin' to Bob Marley, sipping tea & honey and reading a book.
It is h e a v e n l y


Btw, Happy Birthday to the most amazing brother on the planet. One of my best friends, ever, he's been there for me through everything and I'm truly blessed that God made us siblings. No joke. I'm blessed to have the relationship I have with my brother and couldn't have wanted to be raised with anyone else. We're wild and crazy, thank you God for him. Keep him safe & happy. That's all :)

Never regret anything, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

I'm only at peace knowing that I'd rather be happy that it happened, than never at all.
And I'm happy to have people in my life, even if it isn't in the way I'd hoped.
Shit hurts like hell, but you learn to have some thick skin and say fuck it despite how much you want to change it.
----
Only God knows what my soul desires.
Only God will bring to me what I want when he knows I need it.
----
Patience is what I lack sometimes, but the hardest lessons really are the ones that your soul needs the most. I've made plenty of mistakes, done a lot of selfish things and said 'fuck it' about things way too many times in this lifetime... but I'm still a work in progress and never said I was set out to be a role model to anyone. I'm learning everyday, trying to mold and adapt to whats around me so I can be a better me. It's a everyday struggle, but I ain't a quitter.

headphones. sunrise. windows open. instrumentals. beats. life. solitude.

you just gotta make the best of it.

Thank you Universe.

Thank you LIFE for an amaaaaazing weekend in San Francisco. A more in depth update will be made once I get a hold of pictures from Angel's camera, but this weekend was exactly what my spirit needed.  It was exhilarating, spontaneous, and full of all my favorite things: good food, shopping, beautiful people, laughter & great weather.

& I come back to find out that I got two A's last session of summer school.

I haven't been this truly truly happy in such a long time. I truly believe you choose the life you want to live and it all begins with the people you choose to surround yourself with and what you want around you to create the life you've always imagined. Work-related things always used to work out for me, explaining why I've been such a workaholic... but for the first time in a very long time, my family, love life, friends, and Self are finally where I've always prayed to be at... and now that it's here, I can finally... exhale.

THANKFUL is all I can truly be right now.

:)