Note to self:
Be in the present moment, and even when things aren't the way you would have hoped right now, it's what it is and you either have to deal with it or let it go. No more looking to the future and living in it. It hasn't come yet and we can't keep living in realities that don't exist. No more looking back into the past, because that time has long gone and nothing from there will ever be the same or come back exactly the way it used to. So take this present moment for what it is. Relish in it, do what you need to do to get to where you want to be, but don't waste any more days living in places that don't exist yet.

Stay hopeful, but think about today before you think about next year or next month or next week.

xoxo

So I finally sat down and really asked my HEART what I wanted to do after college. I've been torn between staying in LA, seeing what opportunities I have here or moving home back to SD and giving myself a break/seeking opportunities there. God answered my questions and gave me some guidance, so God willing, I will be home in September! Can't wait.

I think by summer, I'd have done the work I need to do out here in LA.
peace & blessings manifest with every lesson learned.

I deserve this shit..

There is a fine line between being a good friend/person and just doing things to make sure everyone is happy. I hate drama, I hate conflict and I especially hate wasting time over petty little things... so why does this exist? Because we care too much about what people think of us. We're too worried that we're stepping on people's toes that everyone else is happy but US. In retrospect, all those people with whom my reputation I've tried to save, aren't even important to me. I've seen a quote around facebook before about worrying about your CHARACTER vs your REPUTATION.. and I think about it often. There is often a REPUTATION that's been built around our TRUE characters and unfortunately some people don't take the time to differentiate the two, and those that do, are the ones that matter.

Imagine trying to make every flippin' person in the world happy and always seeking approval from other people (ESP. people who DON'T seek approval from you for their actions)... we're the ones who get the short end of the stick... and for what?! And I'm not saying be a heartless bastard who goes around doing whatever they want without regard for ANYONE, but take a second to think about whose opinion really matters to you... and for me I can count them on 10 fingers or less.

So this year, I am taking chances and doing what I want, especially things I haven't done because other people stood in my way. It's knowing our standards and what we freakin' deserve... and letting the rest fall by the wayside. Really, because I don't need to waste my time on things I, personally, don't feel I need to, even if someone else feels its important that I do. Who cares? Explain yourself to no one but God & your family. People will never be happy with what you do, it's the truth, so swallow it and don't let it keep you from living your life!

!!!

Fearless & independent

So I booked my flight to SF today for the Goapele&Erykah Badu concert.
I'm driving up with good company on Friday after my Spanish midterm at 12pm.
Showtime is at 8pm.
I am leaving at 1pm the next day to make it back to an event with my sorority in LA.

These are the crazy moments I live for & make me feel ALIVE.
It feels amazing not to have to answer to anyone & just jump on a plane and do something spontaneous.

And now I am in the works of planning spring break. I've always stayed home in San Diego, but this year I am thinking Atlanta, GA to visit my dear friend Kimbabyyyy or Chi-CITYYY to visit Mallory. I hope God helps me out with this because I would absolutely LOVE to visit my dear friends!

But first things first, gotta WORK & SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! This year is gonna be different, I already feel it. :) :)

just a little goes a long way.

This new year, I think a lot about Presence, Effort, Patience and Time. I remember a homily from last year about one of the greatest gifts we can give this year is our presence and our time. Especially in the state of the economy, you don't have to do grand, extravagant gestures for people to show them that you care, but simply putting in the effort, not complaining about it and enjoying the present moment for what it is usually goes the distance. Though balancing time is one of my biggest struggles, I am definitely trying to be mindful of where my time goes and if I'm making time for the RIGHT people and for the RIGHT things.. or even, if I'm making ENOUGH time for the right things that matter.

Sometimes it's just making that phone call home to the fam to make sure they know you're thinking about them or going out of your way to acknowledge someone's hard work... or being there when friends need your support... or giving your time to worthy causes without complaint..

So this is what I dwell on today..
Less complaining & more appreciating
Better attitudes & less about "Me"
Looking at things in the bigger picture vs what is bothersome only in the present moment

What you put out into the world you will get back... make it a positive day.

The beginning of the rest of our lives.

What an amazing year it has been! The thought of growing up and another decade of probably the most life changing moments that will happen to me excites me so much. As a 21 year old, this is thee most exciting time of our lives. And all of you people who always talk about being over the "bar/going out/club" scene or are over it because you got a 'boo' need to know that the excitement of life stems far greater than just a night of drinking and debauchery for most of us. It's more about US finally coming of age, and being just at that age where we have the freedom to CREATE our lives.

This is the decade we'll witness our bff since elementary school have their first child, we'll become aunties to our brothers children, our bestfriends will get married, we'll finally graduate from college and we begin the wild ride of establishing ourselves in our careers! I feel like I've been waiting for this time in my life my whole life and it's finally here!

Sure we'll have outrageous moments, sad moments, and probably be knee deep in financial debt because of college but that is the fun of life. The wildness of life. The challenges we face are what MAKE US! So I embrace them and dance with them. Just let yourself ride the wave of life. None of us are going to make it out alive anyway, so live, say YES more, TAKE A CHANCE, travel as much as possible, apologize less for your true intentions you keep in your heart, stop giving a fuck so much (except for when it comes to people's hearts) and FINALLY make that change you've been meaning to make... and if you don't.. it's fine. You always have tomorrow to start over.

Happy New Years friends & family.
I wish you all good health and happiness.
Let's make 2010 amazing.

NYTIMES. a look back.

The Hundreds did a similar one.

I like this one too.

count your blessings.

The new year is approaching and I couldn't be any more pumped. I've been reflecting a lot on this past year and though there were some incredible lows and a lot more overcoming than I had anticipated... it was also a whirlwind of triumphs, success, forgiveness and growth.

Some highlights of my year include (in no particular order) :

1) Making it into my final year of COLLEGE! ThankGod.

2) Crossing of my kids, Alpha Class! -- One of the most magical experiences that few are lucky to experience. For a couple months of challenges, stress and sacrifice, I was given a LIFETIME of proud moments to share with my six kids.

3) Elected as President of Chi Delta Theta, Zeta Colony --One of my biggest goals in college fulfilled. A learning experience of responsibility, growth, leadership and adversity. A challenge I appreciate everyday for the lessons I continually get out of this position.

4) Summer with Brit, Mal & Devika. Girlfriends I'll cherish for life, so many life lessons learned this summer.

5) Accomplishment after balancing a GOOD Magazine internship + Primitive Shoes internship + back to back summer sessions, 2 classes each + President. = So much growth and insight into what I am truly capable of.

6) Getting hired at Primitive & joining the Primitive family. My brothers for life. I have one of the dopest jobs on earth!

7) Family triumphs, stability and happiness. You really have to feel the bad to really appreciate the good.

8) WALKING AGAIN & coming back to school. 1 Year anni. of my accident. Celebration and renewed appreciation for this LIFE and taking care of my Self.

9) Finding God once again in my life. Being away from your support system sometimes throws you for a loop, but I'm in a good, safe and happy place now.

10) Rebuilding friendships. --One of the most trying times of my life, but a good laugh now and something I'm glad I learned to get over and understand for what its worth.

honorable mentions: 21st birthday!!!, countless amazing souls I've met this year, Maxwell concert!, being a part of SPCN for the first time, Erykah Badu and Mos Def concert, converting to a MAC, Maloof Money Cup with Primitive fam, quitting my job at the bookstore!!!, VEGAS with my SD loves!!!!!!, moving into my apartment with Devika!, constant growth and maturity, and soooo many more.

& know that...You're gonna let yourself down more times than you want and some of the people that you love the most are going to let you down too, but we must DANCE and LAUGH through life and never carry the weight of our disappointments to keep us from believing, hoping, wishing, and working as hard as we do. -me.

list your blessings & live your life!

2010

When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
- Erma Bombeck

Looking forward to 2010 this morning.

I decided that it will be all about being 2 things:

1)Fearless in the sense that I trust in the Lord more & know that He and His plans are greater than mine.
2)Living without the fear of being lonely & instead looking at all the amazing people in my life that already make my life worth living.
3) Fearless about my dreams and throwing all caution to the wind and making it happen.
4) Braving the BIG world and traveling more.
5) Freeing myself. FREEING myself. freeing MYSELF.
& letting go... of my dependencies, my bad habits & my vices.
Only relying on my INNER Strength & Self-Knowledge.


I love the clarity and strength that comes with every year I'm alive.
I promise to myself that I will DO everything that God asks of me and utilize all the blessings that God he has given me.
Time waits for no one.



"I am running
I dont wanna come down,
Hope my wings dont fail me now
And if I can touch the sky
I'd risk the fall
Just to know how it feels to fly"

2010 hopes &dreams.

1) DO more. Create create create! DIY projects. freelancing. t-shirts. portfolio.
2) Live life in constant conversation with God. Never forget.
3) More family time. Effort! E-mails! BE there.
4) Health conscious living. +fiber, water, exercise, rest.
5) Punctuality, responsibility, organization.
6) Work more to SAVE more.
7) Travel, THIS will be the YEAR.