What you let anger you, conquers you.

This simple quote that I came across while fiddling through tumblr has remained in my brain since I saw it. Allowing anyone or any single situation anger me is automatic permission to allow it to conquer me.

With that, I made a decision a month or two ago that acting out in anger/resentment takes SO much energy that I'm over it + I hate it. There is nothing good about letting your anger or PEOPLE get the best of you and surrendering your control over a situation because you can't control your emotions. I am human and have had my moments of anger and extreme frustration but now, whenever the situation arises, I literally go through this in my head...

..shut the fuck up for ONE second..
(I know us females, we CANNOT for the life of us stop! HAH!)
...calm down...

...think about what to say RATIONALLY...
...if its not good, don't proceed...
..if it is.. then proceed...

Especially in relationships, sometimes talking it out isn't so easy. Things get lost in translation, people get frustrated, we start to think that speaking louder will get our point across (hahaha, so wrong) but right now I'd rather be happy than always be right. Simple as that.

In friendships and dealing with people, so much can be solved without engaging in negativity. I find it so much easier to walk away from situations, clear my head and return when my emotions aren't ruling my actions.

As I write this, I ask myself, well does this mean you should give a sht less? I don't necessarily think its about caring less, I think its really about picking and choosing your battles. In that moment, I can ask myself, am I really going to make this persons problem MY problem or am I going to walk away and let them be until they get their shit together? Am I going to stoop to their level or am gonna keep it movin?

Anger is such a energy-waster and ESPECIALLY if people are trying to get a rise out of you ---nu-uhhh, ain't gonna happen. Time is so precious and I just won't waste any more time on negativity and buzzkills!

No excuse for bad manners

(via WhiteHotTruth)

A friend of mine who was a therapist in a half way house described an incident where this big burly nut-bar barged into a group therapy session hollering and waving his arms around. He was like a beefy Hell's Angels guy, and he was having one of his meanie episodes that would have scared the bejeezus out of even most tough cookies.

"Use your manners, would ya?" said the the group leader. "Turn around and come back in quietly."

And in mid-rage, huffing and puffing, buddy just stopped. Calmly. "Oh. Okay then." And he left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Quietly.

Standards work wonders.

When we routinely justify people's poor behavior, we block the chances for change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. I worked with someone for too long who was bi-polar manic depressive and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know how she gets. Or your typically grouchy neighbor is a grouch. Or your always-under-a-lot-of-stress boss loses her cool because she's so understandably stressed... Call it at face value, all afflictions, dispositions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful thing.

Take Risks On Behalf Of Your Dreams (via:TheDailyLove)

It’s amazing how much life can change for the better when you take risks on behalf of your dreams.

This isn’t some airy-fairy statement. The Uni-verse made you to fulfill your purpose, so It WILL support you in doing so.

So many of us live lives that are cut off, shut down and in our comfort zone. We value certainty over love & our happiness. In the end, we’ll come to see that there is no certainty in life, only the appearance of certainty. In reality, its actually riskier to not take risks ‘cuz when you get to the end of you’re life, when you take your final breath, a thought that should cross no one’s mind will come up – “what if I had…”.

Coming to the end of your life and wondering “what if ” is a fate worse than any risk you can take now. None of us get out of life alive, so what we must remember is that it is the loving risks, adventure and our contributions to the world that count. Everything else is secondary.

The people who change the world and who truly have happiness live consciously or unconsciously like this every day. They choose to expand outside their comfort zone, instead of retreat into it. They choose to let Love win and focus on being kind instead of being right. They value scars over perfection. They add more value to life than they take from it. They let The Uni-verse guide them through their heart, instead of letting the fears of their head run their life. And when they come to the end, they rejoice, for they have been used up completely, given everything and extracted every bit of love, joy and adventure from life.

Don’t shut down. Let’s us not retreat into our comfort zones. Let’s step out. Let’s stand up. Let’s make a stand that today and everyday forward to let our faith be stronger than our fear. We prove this to ourselves through action, not just words. We back up our faith through taking constant and persistent action towards the things we say we believe and have faith in.

We set an intention to not be one of those people who gets to the end of life and wonders “what if ?”, but instead we say, “I stood for something and I made a difference”.

The promise of Life is that you are taken care of, you are supported and dreams are real. We have been given a life not to live in fear, but to step forward and live out of gifts and our dreams. This cannot happen if you do not make the choice in every moment to be ALL IN when it comes to your dreams.

There is a mysterious force that helps us when we risk on behalf of our dreams. This is The Uni-verse silently guiding our paths, opening the perfect doors for us and closing the dead ends.

Roll with the punches, go with the flow, let go and consciously design your life to be lived on behalf of your dreams instead of your fear. And remember, how long must you try? That’s right. Until.

Who do you want to be when you look back on your life? Do you want to wonder “what if”? Or smile knowing you gave it your all. Right now, you have a choice to change the outcome of that moment. What’ll it be?

Love,

Mastin

Partnerships

In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. "Deserves" is not the point. "Fair" is not the point. And "owes" is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is—in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.

-Amy Bloom

I love hindsight

Like that moment after time has passed and you start to notice all the ways you're maturing and growing. Of course you never notice while it's happening, but when you don't fall for the stupid things you used to or you see yourself moving on from something you never thought you would, it's a really really good feeling. There's that saying, when you know better, you do better and I couldn't be any more grateful for the wisdom that experience gives you. 

For example, relationships have always been a roller coaster for me. Unpredictable, painful at times, and a lot of lessons. I was caught in an unhealthy relationship that literally sucked the life out of me... but I didn't know any better. But now I'm sitting happily in a new relationship and couldn't be any happier with what I know now about life.

So what do I know for sure?

- I know that the best relationships happen when both people consistently strive to better themselves and unconsciously influence the other to do the same for themselves.  It's never a losing game when you meet half way.
- Life is a lot of how you perceive it. Better to see it and understand it in the best way for your self than have other people try to influence you with how things should be. Be comfortable in your own, as long as its healthy, it's all good.
- You really are better off with what have now than what you left behind. There really are reasons why people are in your past. God works in wonderful ways and I trust in that. Only move forward, never backward.
- Sometimes the people you least expect to be with are the best ones.
- If all else fails, laugh. Love is enough for most things.
- Your past isn't every reason why things don't work, and when things don't work out, it doesn't mean you throw in the towel. Relationships take effort, communication and understanding.

Some of these things may be obvious, but again, hindsight is a beautiful thing. Now that I know better, I can do better.

You can't worry about things that haven't happened yet

I saw this as I was scrolling through tumblr and it has come to mind a lot lately. I always used to be someone who worried about the future, how it was all going to work out, how I was going to get ______ done if it ever came down to it, etc. ... and though I do agree it's important to have a plan and to worry about the necessary things, but there is indeed a lot we worry about that hasn't even happened yet. Reminding myself that I shouldn't lose my cool over something that hasn't even happened yet helps me to live in the now and stop expecting negative things to happen. Again, it all comes back to flow. Just letting things happen as they come, dealing with everything one a time and having hope+trust with God that everything will work out as it should. Life is just so much easier that way.

hustle + flow

"Enter the fray. Step in, get messy, work it out from there. Just enter. "
-Sarah Wilson

I've learned that spending too much time on the idea of setting goals can be very restricting at times. Since high school and throughout college, I've been a very big goal person. I think in certain circumstances it's a great thing to apply but since I've been out of college, flow has been more on my mind. When you are building a life for yourself and still trying to figure out WHAT in life it is that you want, I've been finding it harder to sit down and write concrete goals.

So now I think a lot about embracing chaos, because when you are new at anything, it can certainly feel like chaos. But I think it's a beautiful chaos because once you get over that hump of making PLANS and actually doing, it's liberating. So liberating. I find myself still hesitant to start new ventures because of my lack of knowledge or experience sometimes, but once you get into the thick of things and realize there isn't any turning back and the only way to get better is to push forward, you feel the growth... and I love that.

Once you throw yourself into it, you have the possibility of failing, but the greatest lessons are in failing. You rarely ever stop to think about what you could have done better when you're 'winning'.

So FLOW is my thing. I believe in having a vision of where you want to be/feel, I believe in having direction but letting the rest flow freely from that.

cherish your solitude

As inspired by Bern's recent blog:

Solitude is way too underrated. Over the past couple of years (or so it seems like), I've grown accustomed to the idea that alone is not lonely and though I love socializing (I am a Libra!) I love, love, love my alone time. On one of my favorite blogs, Sarah Wilson mentions the idea of ' daily taking time to check in with your inner peoples'... and I notice I like to do that often. It brings me complete peace and stillness when I need it most.

Lately I've been obsessed with candles, wine, reading and writing in my Moleskine. It just makes me happy. It gives me time to think things through, deal with all the inner stuff and refresh.

I haven't really had the chance to do this yet now that its 2011, but I'm hoping for some good down time on my flight back from the Philippines. I really need to set some concrete goals for the year or better, the next couple years. Vacation doesn't give you much solitude time when you're entertaining other people and trying to jam pack your days with everything, so I will admit, I'm excited to head back home.

I'm ready for it all to begin!! Because though change does start now, its hard to start when you're on an island sipping cocktails!

peace be the journey folks.

Mama said..

I had a great talk con mi mama last night and there's nothing like that advice your mama can give you when it comes to love & relationships. If there's anything she's always reminded me throughout the years, its to never forget about myself. Yes, a relationship takes effort & sacrifice on both parts, but you always want a piece of yourself that you can call your own, protect and know will never leave you. For me, I see two things that fall under that, the love you have for yourself & your career. (Besides your Faith of course)

I admire women who have their own, wait till they've got their life and then invite a man to share in that (and vice versa). I don't hate on anyone that's done it otherwise, but that's just the ideal thing I'd want to happen in my life. I can't be with a man who doesn't have his own going on. I can't be with anyone who feels threatened by the fact that I really really want to be successful and will work till my wheels fall off to make sure mi padres don't have to worry another day in their life.  Not to say that I won't entertain a relationship, but my mom gave me the best reminder last night....that whatever I choose, focus on whats important right now (& that's my career).

& when I talk about SELF-LOVE, I also mean self-respect. The way that you share yourself is the way people will want to treat you. All of that comes from the way that you feel about yourself on the inside. There's that part of me inside that, regardless of what happens to me in my relationships, I can trust and rely on myself and know that I am capable & strong.

To end our conversation, my mom reminded me.. You have to be a bitch sometimes. (now you know why I am the way I am hah!) & the way I take it...You don't have to be rude, disrespectful, or wishing others ill, but YOU DO have to have a backbone. People are gonna play the game on you.. in the workplace, in relationships, in LIFE in general. Be wise about it. Speak your mind when necessary and don't get played.

Pixar says, It Gets Better!

 

To anyone who has suffered from bullying, had suicidal thoughts, or doubts of self-acceptance because of their sexual orientation..
It Gets Better. 

My favorite line of this video:

Focus on the greatness of your life that's going to become.

whatever gets you through the night, s’alright

via. Sarah Wilson Blog

I have a theory. You do your best. And then sometimes things go to shit. In such cases, you do what you can to get through.

Too often, we push and push to eat right, exercise right etc etc and it’s all pushing and punishment. But we don’t allow ourselves to collapse in a heap right. Which sometimes means doing the “wrong” things.

At such times I try to recall something John Lennon sang, “whatever gets you through the night, s’alright”. And sometimes it is.

...Really, the important thing is to be gentle and kind and allowing and flowing. And to acknowledge that it’s OK that some days are just about getting through. Actually, sometimes these days turn out to be the more enrichening and true.

I couldn't agree more. I like to stay on this positivity tip, but sometimes life throws you blow after blow and all you can really do is try to get through and make the best of TODAY. Sometimes, what gets me through is:

• a glass of wine, staying home and reading till I fall asleep.
• taking the long way home just to listen to music on full blast a little big longer.
• forgetting about my own body issues and starting again tomorrow.
• getting lifted with my brother.

We give ourselves so many rules, which are good, but sometimes, there are those days where you're simply grasping for whatever will get you through. Happiness wouldn't be so great without the mundane or sad moments. I think when we allow ourselves to fully experience those emotions, like truly SIT with them before we let them go....happiness is magnified.  

Not everything is going to be rainbows and butterflies and I will not be able to fix everything. I'm slowly learning that and I feel so much better about it.

Top 5

1. DON'T ever dumb yourself down, but also know the difference between being prideful/arrogant and being proud of Self.
2. Know that a girl with a mouthpiece is better than none at ALL. I'd rather speak my mind on SOMETHING than have nothing to bring to the table. 
3. Have a backbone, especially in relationships.
4. Nothing is ever for certain or has to be taken the way its presented to you. Perception is (sometimes) deception, so build your own world and you'll never have to succumb to anyone else's standards!! I worked at a retail shop selling streetwear & sneakers surrounded by men all day, if you hold your own, carry yourself in a way that demands respect, you'll get it.
5. Women with GOALS are the most attractive females.

My Born Day. 102188

So I just finished celebrating my 22nd birthday which lasted an awesome 6 days. Considering I threw all my plans out the window at the last minute because I was getting too stressed out about the whole affair.. I still want to thank all my friends and family who made this another memorable and blessed celebration of LIFE.

At the end of the day, it really isn't about how big the party is or how lavish your plans are... I was around amazing people who love me unconditionally, have supported me since the day I was put on this earth and simply allowing the universe to bless me the way I knew it would.... and it definitely blessed me.

Now that I have time, I can finally sit and reflect on what another year has added to the beauty of this life I live. With every year that passes, I truly feel myself become more and more in tune with my self, my purpose in the world, the people that I love and what this world has to offer me (and vice versa). If I could share some wisdom and traits about myself that I've accumulated over the past 22 years, it would go as follows:

1. My purpose in the world is meant to serve other people and for the betterment of other people. I find the most joy and peace when I am doing work that serves other people or in  working as a catalyst to make other people realize their true potential. I realized a long time ago that this life has nothing to do at all with me. That losing myself to a selfish thought cuts out the essence of life. I may not be perfect in practicing this but it's something I always work on.
2. Hard work will never ever fail you. I strongly believe that when you put your best effort into anything and leave nothing up to chance, results will speak for themselves. And when I talk about hard work, I mean total commitment, determination and persistence to a goal until it is reached and nothing less.
3. Quit fighting things that are meant to flow. When I started going through the phases of my parents separation, I realized one day, that I needed to quit fighting something that was meant to continue to evolve into another form. I was going against what was happening naturally because I didn't want to be mature enough to accept it. I am a much happier person embracing what is instead of trying to force something that isn't.
4. Change is the only thing constant. I am slowly accepting that at this age, things and relationships are rapidly changing. Life isn't what it used to be, but I leave a lot of things up to God to decide what is worth it for me to chase and what is not. When people will come around, they will. 
5. Love isn't ever enough. Just because you love someone, it doesn't make anything right, fix any wrongs or erase the past. It just doesn't. It takes more than just the idea of love, the saying of love and the thought of love. It's communication, respect, understanding, appreciation, selflessness, it's so much more.
6. If you're a woman and want to be respected, demand it... in your thoughts & your actions.  Nuff said.
7. Having money doesn't mean shit. It doesn't make up for your lack of character, compassion, humor or good looks. I learned a long time ago that money doesn't buy lasting happiness either or make up for wrong doing. It can be taken away faster than you could imagine and change your life forever.
8. I've lived a privileged life. I didn't grow up into a rich family or had everything handed to me, but I still have a lot more than a lot of other people.  I think its really important for people to realize their privilege and the idea that they have so much more to give to the world because they already have that much.
9. Not everything that glitters is gold. I've been fooled plenty of times by things, people and experiences that seemed like the right thing or the 'cool' thing... I'm way more cautious now about quick gratification and I'm not losing my soul to that shit. I stay true to myself and my roots and not easily impressed by the flashing lights.
10. To grow you need to keep doing what you haven't done. My best experiences in life were doing things that were completely out of my comfort zone. Whether its jobs, relationships, or joining things, I have learned the most and pushed myself the most in those situations. I realized my tolerance and strength for certain things that I will carry with me forever.
11. In everything, keep faith in God. My faith has gotten me through every rough patch in my life and in every happy moment, He is who I have given my thanks to. I don't believe in only being thankful when things are going great, but always having a presence with Christ.
12. What works for them, may not work for you... and that's OK. Just because people do things a certain way or believe things should be a certain way, doesn't mean its the right way. I've learned to be stronger in my sense to decide for myself (and if I'm wrong, at least I believe in my own choices). 
13. Forgiveness is so powerful, for yourself and who you are forgiving. I've had my share of drama... family drama, friendship drama, relationship drama... but the most freeing thing is getting yourself to finally forgive yourself for what happened and forgive that person, even if its just in your heart. 
14. Everyday is meant to evolve and grow. I'm a different person than I was before I even wrote this, and I'm not gonna stop learning. ever.
15. Enjoy your solitude. I've learned to truly truly enjoy my own company. It's liberating.

That's all I can think of now.

Now I'm going to clean up the aftermath in my room of this crazy weekend.
Peace & blessings.

Wow, pharrell's thought process has always impressed and intrigued me.
I am thoroughly motivated again. Please share to everyone you know.

via. doxx.tumblr.com

Life is too short for all this.
Just enjoy what you got, 
cherish your friendships,
and have a good time.

Sometimes you need to take it, straight up with no chase, for it to ring loudly.

everything is starting again. everything starts new. every day you can start new. every month. every year. every hour. it’s your choice. it’s your choice to breathe life into everything & it’s your choice to let your devils hold you & haunt you. it’s hard to let go. it’s hard to let yourself grow. sometimes you want your past to stay. for some reason you want to keep awful things in your mind because sometimes they make you realize how strong you are, & sometimes they make you realize that someday you may falter again. it’s a tough balance. to let go or hold on. you loved her once, you don’t want to move on. he hated you once, you don’t want to admit it made you strong. destroy what destroys you. i believe in you. sometimes the hardest part is admitting i believe in me. every second you have a choice. every second that goes by you can never get back. it’s your choice. everything is your choice.  (youareremarkable)

 

via GalaDarling.com

Reminder

Simplify things in order to savor life fully.

Or in Erykah Badu's words....PACK LIGHT.

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you 

Regrets of the Dying

Via http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.  They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.