determination.

"A little over a year ago, every inch of space in my life was taken up with something to do, somewhere to be, someone to meet. I was pushing myself to impossible limits, believing that was what it meant to be a superwoman. But I was burned out, a robot joylessly going through the motions. I knew I had to change..." - Alicia Keys.

The downfall of this long process of healing I have until I return to school in January is how much time I have to create expectations for myself again. The thought of this scares me as I know I will be thrown back into a world that is RELENTLESS on my mind, body & soul, if I continue to be a "YES" person. I've always been this way, and now, looking back critically, I realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting goals and striving for what you want, but it seriously has to be done with respect to your self, your well-being & most importantly, your own happiness.

It is true, my OWN meaning of superwoman was being completely distorted the more and more I pushed myself... and for what? Who was I trying to please? What was I working endless hours for to try and fix? The imperfections in my personal life were undone only in my mind by WORKING MORE, WORKING HARDER, striving for MORE, MORE, MORE. .. but at the end of the day, I really ask myself, for what? I hold myself accountable for even wasting time in thinking that if I wasn't doing MORE with my time, I wasn't doing enough with my life, when already, I was spread so thin.

Being on "top of your game" to me now is not in comparison to anyone else but yourself... how you personally feel about yourself and your performance. This reminds me of a quote by John Wooden .. "Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming." Word to that.

So changes will ensue this January, most definitely. It's a whole different game this time around and I am focused to try my best to the best of my ability. At the end of the day, I have faith and my faith has always made EVERYTHING in my life work out the way that it really should. I just want to stay grounded and not lose myself in a world where it is SO easy to forget who you are, what you stand for and where youre headed.