Wow, so I haven't been on this thing in a minute so be prepared for a long post. Since my last post, I've been tested, taught, enlightened, strengthened, weakened in every way possible, this blog is a release to my sanity... here goes nothing..
So as many of you may know, I got into a car accident on Sunday, August 10, 2008. I don't want to go into too many details but I fell asleep at the wheel at 3PM in the afternoon and hit an oncoming car. Cut past all the nasty details, 5 days at the hospital, surgery for 2 1/2 hours and I landed myself a broken femur, shattered kneecap, fractured toe and a plethora of bruises that are enough to scare a little kid into thinking I was a zombie. (Disclaimer: I would NEVER get behind the wheel knowing I was incapable of getting home safely or would put anyone else's life in danger. It was just one of those days, I'll regret forever.) Anyway, I have a recovery slated for six weeks which lands squarely on my first week back at school at UCLA. I don't know what the future holds, to be honest, it scares the shit out of me, but on the upside, I have a million things to be thankful for. I never forget that I could have died had I been driving my OWN car (a jetta) that day, considering I hit what literally felt like a brick wall (a nissan TITAN). I also started walking on crutches the DAY AFTER my surgery, was released from the hospital a lot sooner than most people expected and I am THANKFULLY feeling stronger and stronger daily... so I am hoping for a recovery sooner than six weeks..
So this is the start of my second life as many people have told me. I always thought I was living the life I imagined, but now, my life has done a complete 360 and I feel myself becoming stronger than I have EVER been in my LIFE. What a crazy thought right? The moment I am at my weakest physically, I feel myself being on the verge of being strongest mentally. To be absolutely honest, my healing has tested me in every way possible. For being a person who tries to instill positivity in every thing that crosses my path, my own inner strength was really put to the test and on some days, it still is. I've cried many tears over this situation, but I'm human and sometimes you just HAVE TO, and that's okay.. As Natalie Portman says in Garden State, one of my favorite movies of all time, "That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have." So I'm still pushin, d a i l y, and its a promise to myself everyday to have a good day, even when its hurting.
On another tangent, a friend of mine has the saying. "Stand tall or sit the fuck down" on his Myspace and I've never forgotten it as an attitude to apply towards life. More recently than ever have I realized that if you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything. It just is NOT my nature anymore to allow people to disrespect the person that I am or those people around me ESPECIALLY when certain peoples actions perpetuate stereotypes and sexism that we as WOMEN work endlessly to try to break down. I have NO ROOM for that type of disrespect and its only been recently that I have been pushed to the edge of patience to the point of blood-boiling ANGER and FRUSTRATION. I've grown wiser in choosing the people I surround myself with and the way that I carry myself... we are TOO grown, too intelligent, and work TOO hard as women to go backwards these days. SO WOMEN, even if you've made your mistakes in the past like I have, let life be a continuous journey of learning and CHANGE.. who cares what you've done in the past, but the time is NOW to live our lives the correct way. TO GET OUT OF THE BOXES that we so easily allow ourselves and others to put us in. We owe it to ourselves to live our lives to a higher standard! .. thats all I have to say.
So life continues and so does my healing, I will keep updated as soon as I get back on my grind with all the other work I gotta do ! :)
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