MOTIVATION

Like one of my old time faves.. "I am fairly agile / I can bend and not break / Or I can break and take it with a smile / And I am so resilient / I recover quickly" - Dashboard Confessional; Bend and Not Break.

It's the soundtrack of my life for the past two years. I stay fairly quiet about my personal family experiences and will continue to do so, but never before in the past two years have I felt more motivated to prove that my abilities, my talents, my intelligence, the endless hours of studying that have amounted to me attending UCLA and the thousands of dollars my parents pay just to get me through school... will mean something. One of my biggest fears is not living up to my fullest potential and letting all the work I've done mean nothing in the end. It's this horrible idea that I won't make it and I'll let down everyone that has looked up to me and expected so much from me that hangs like a huge gray cloud over my head. I have so much riding on my shoulders that I'm willing to share and as much as I believe in myself, as much as I believe God has wonderful plans for me, I know the struggle never ends, atleast not any time soon. But now, I'm believing again that I'm strong enough to take it. I let myself be beaten down by other things and other people that I forgot my real purpose. I forgot that I've achieved wonderful things in the past (in the most humble possible way I could say it) and to keep making progress, I didn't get anywhere without the struggle. I didn't succeed without sacrifice, I didn't make it without being focused and believing in myself. So thanks Dad for that simple reminder of what motivates me. My family & what I've been through are the only things that keep me pushin. No one else and thats the damn truth. I was reminded today of my strength and the strength my family has despite the bullshit we been through. I was reminded today of how much I truly know myself and how NO ONE ELSE can make me feel inferior about yourself unless I LET THEM. (Eleanor Roosevelt) No one else can tell you how you should act and how to live your life and whats right for you except for yourself & your fam.

So Spring Quarter, I'm finishing stronger than evaa. My parents work too hard for me to provide anything less than excellent. Shiiieeeet.

Back to business come Monday.