LIFE & LOVE.

LIFE:
Speaking to my fams out there in Seattle, I got my eyes opened to the possibilities of my young life. I am a soon-to-be college grad, in my early twenties, living in the land of opportunity. When I look around me to the people that I admire and aspire to be most like, I admire how hard they’ve worked to have what they have, to live the life that they live.

When I think about the life I want, I want to have everything I need and be able to have the money to give everything I want. I want to have all the things I know I deserve & worked for and give that same to my parents. I want to settle down without regrets of a life I never got to live. I want to raise a family that has everything that they need. I want to marry with the wedding I’ve always dreamt of. I want to live the life I always imagined for myself & have the life that my parents dreamt for me to have. And thinking about it, I am in no rush to get there.

And the more that I settle into my adulthood, the more I realize how much of all this depends on me and my knowledge of self. I am at a place in my life where I am constantly reshaping and remolding who I am to adapt to all the changes in my life. My priorities in life are constantly shifting and now, after so much insight from my mentors & my peers, 'foolish' love is not going to be one of them, not for a long time.

LOVE:
This time, their words were heavy and really meant so much to me. My uncle told me that he wanted to see me doing big things with my life like he knows I’m capable of and MOST OF ALL, he said, wait, until YOU choose which one you want babygirl. Wait until YOUR life is set and you are ready to choose out of all the men who deserve your attention..... Simple, but I needed to hear it. Badly.

I’ve always been the girl dating someone and I hate that, to the point that I hate discussing my relationships with people, sometimes even my closest friends. I was always hopeful, that this one would last, even though it seemed to everyone else that I actually enjoyed playing the stupid game, I didn't. I don't like people in and out of my life for seasons. I want someone constant and loyal to me.

The older that I get, the more that I want to play for keeps when I’m in a relationship. It was always about 'let's just see where it goes' & 'just having fun' without thinking beforehand about what I really wanted or how stupid of a decision it was. Foolish of me, but you live and you learn & I've definitely learned a lot. Maybe I never took it seriously enough, except for a few times, but other than that... I didn't really care much.

But it's different now. I'm taking my sweet ass time with whoever comes along and definitely making sure I'm ready and it's not just someone to fill up my time.  Not just someone who is 'nice'. Everyone is nice. I need genuine characters, because you learn quick what people want from you after they get it. I want an old school dude who still goes to church, cares about chivalry and is simple. No sweet talkers, no womanizers, no one with baggage, no disrespectful ass dudes, no bullshit.

I'd rather be alone & enjoying my own solitude than with someone who makes me miserable.
I absolutely hate conflict, I hate playing games. I hate pushing other people's buttons just for the fuck of it. I hate jealousy. I hate baggage.

So until that time comes, my girlfriends, family & God are my backbone &life.
I'm getting back to me.
Thanks for reading.