As much as I can sit and make the same mistakes over and over again and vow time and time again never to make them again... it's foolish of me to even think that I'll be perfect enough never to make them ever again in this life. It's all in the learning process of life and I don't beat myself up, nor should anybody else, for not being who they want to be yet. I know enough that this continual growth and cycle of realizations and epiphanies about life are going to keep happening until the very day that I die.

You just have to be open to the changes and motions of life. Appreciate it all for what is worth and sometimes you have to be open to what God or whoever your higher being is and what they're trying to show you.

Yes, sometimes you have to be with all the wrong people to know what you want. Yes, you have to fall flat on your face to know what it feels like to get back up again and work harder. Yes, you are going to make horrible financial decisions but you know God provides when you truly need it. Yes, it's okay to go back, just as long as you know what you are willing to give and take. Yes, everyone in your life is meant to be there to teach you something.. for whatever reason.

It's all about growth at the end of the day. I have three girlfriends out here who I started college with and are about to finish with and in thinking about our long overdue dinner tonight, I celebrate our growth as young women growing up in this city together. We've been through everything in our own ways, heartbreaks with our first loves, new loves, financial lows and triumphs, leasing our own apartments, working towards our degrees and following our dreams, letting go of bad habits, everything it seems like. I am so happy that I have such strong, intelligent sisters whom I was blessed enough to go through the past 4 years with. The only constant these 4 years was change but we survived and are bowing out gracefully.

So one of the best things college has taught me is that, depending on how you look it at, change can always be positive if you aren't afraid to let it into your life to change the right things.

DA POETRY LOUNGE

Today was a good day.

Class, gym, meeting new friends and then Da Poetry Lounge on Fairfax for the 11 year anniversary. I haven't been in a minute but I'm so thankful that something urged me to go tonight. Definitely going to make it a weekly thang again. I'm so thankful for Mic for bringing this venue, atmosphere and art into my life 2 years ago (i think?). The energy, the good vibes, the truth... I feed off of it. & my favorite Shihan was in attendance along with an AMAZING poet I fell in love with. Andrea Gibson is the DAMN TRUTH. No poet has EVER hit me like her words did tonight. Watch the videos, stop reading what I write for all I care, but let her words bring truth into your world!

Other than that, while sitting there in a room full of amazingly creative and talented people who bare their souls for people to judge every Tuesday, I felt inspired by their courage. I read this quote somewhere about... Once you've lost everything, you're free to do ANYTHING. And I do. I FEEL FREE & HAPPY. As much as I feel like I'm starting all over, I am redefining who I am and doing everything and anything that makes me uneasy and scared. If you share yourself and let people see the potential in you, you never know what others can offer you and vice versa. We're all striving for something. I realize that more and more nowadays. Do what excites and entices you even if it scares the shit out of you. Just. Do. It.

In the near future I'm hoping to hook up with a photographer I met at the Lounge who offered to shoot me. It's a win win for the both of us. Can't wait! Crazy how the universe aligns itself. He's incredibly incredibly talented & big on realizing your potential.. I can digg that. More on this later.

i'll sleep happy tonight..

HUSTLE & LOVE DON'T MIXX.

Ever hear that saying that hustle&love don't mix? I heard it through a song by EyeAsage, and it is becoming more and more relevant to my life right now.

Next year (or the rest of this year for that matter) is gonna be an epic time for me and the things I devote myself to. With graduation just around the corner, summer internship grindin' @GOODmagazine, session A&C of summer school at UCLA, being President of my sorority, workin for $$ on the side... I have my work cut out for me. Fortunately, I've been blessed with opportunities that keep me passionate about the work that I do and make me want to get up everyday and do WORK. But next year, is so important to me that I want to be nothing less than FOCUSED. I want to be the best at what I do and keep progressing as an individual to bring out the best in everyone that I work with also. Especially for my sorority, like my big sis said, it has done SO much for me, that all I want to do is give back and do my best work while I still can.

To put it simply, I have a goal of where I want to see myself in a couple years and many people who I look up to and aspire to be like. && i've come to realize that for ME to function to the best of my capabilities, my HUSTLE and LOVE won't MIX. For me to be fully focused and DEVOTED to building my future and my SELF, I have to drop all the other distractions in my life and work relentlessly towards where I want to be at. Because while I'm stuck on the phone bullshittin answerin questions about why I didn't call you back, the rest of the world is gonna continue grindin and achievin without me. Not a good look.

I wish I gave myself this reality check a long time ago, it probably would have saved me a lot of bullshit in college. Sall good, never too late to change or to progress though right?

I just want to stay grindin, instead of talking about the past, I want to BUILD UP MY FUTURE. My parents work too damn hard to get me through school. I owe them that much to be GREAT at whatever I do, whatever it is.



& on another note, I think its time I let my SOUL grow being as single as I am nowadays. I want to fill my days up with reading the books that sit on my shelf waiting to be read. Design artwork for people who appreciate my work. Rekindle past friendships and strengthen new ones. Visit the Getty and all these amazing art museums in LA with my good friends just because we can. Shop on Melrose just to out my mind at ease for a couple hours. Go on starbucks runs and have sake bombs in the afternoon with my roommate.

... I want to grow into my own. I want to fall and know that I (me, myself &I) will be strong enough to pick myself up again. I want to be lonely (as crazy as it sounds) and be comfortable with ME. I want to be present & aware of my entire being and have NO ONE control the person that I am and the potential I have within me. I want PEACE, absolute PEACE, and contentment with the person GOD has made me. I want to take care of myself & NEVER let any man let me think that I didn't deserve to be treated like a QUEEN, (not a PRINCESS, in your terms).

Faith in God. It's all you need.

PEACE world!

quick

You know that feeling when you realize today could be the beginning of the rest of your life? I have had this overwhelming feeling hit me several times this week and I wonder what has brought me to this point. I guess after the darkness does come Light. How did everything fall into place? I don't know. The cards are aligning themselves while I sleep and I am at the honor of living out everyday the best way that I know. Yes, people will hurt you along the way and you will be left feeling disappointed but persistence is key. Never let up & stay true to yourself. Someone told me that even if I had a 1% fighting chance at something I believed in, NEVER to back down. Probably the best advice I've ever gotten in a long time.

It's crazy. I know where I want to end up, but up until now I never really knew how to get there. And even if things fall through in the alternative direction I had hoped, I truly believe I am capable of anything I want. That's the thing about this world, we are all so capable of anything we want. Who is to say that you can't do something? To me, that's the best motivation. I believe in the dreams of people and want to make sure everyone gets their piece of the pie. Its a beautiful feeling.

I am getting closer to my dreams. I won't let hurtful words or people bring me down. Good character takes you a long way in this world.

Elections tonight yo! We'll see if I get one step closer today.

PEACE!